In two previous posts, I’ve highlighted the need for better men (Part 1) and sought to explain the first of three essential qualities of a better man (Part 2).  In this post, I focus on a second quality essential to a biblical vision of a better man. 

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Men are to be protective to safeguard others

As the Titanic began to sink on April 15, 1812, the ship’s captain gave the order to uncover and fill the lifeboats.  While there were 2,228 people on board, there was only enough space in the lifeboats for just over 1,100.  Rather than fill the lifeboats on an every-man-for-himself basis, the ship’s officers gave available seats to “women and children first.”  As a result, a staggering proportion of the 706 people rescued were women and children.  Or to put it another way, the men on board prioritized the protection of women and children.[1]

It’s possible to see the decision to rescue women and children first as simply a 19th-century version of chivalry.  However, the impulse to protect women (and children) can be traced much further back than the 19^th century.  In fact, it goes all the way back to the garden of Eden and God’s design for the first man.

When God created Adam, He not only placed him in the garden to “work it” but also to “keep it” (Genesis 2:15). Imbedded in the command to “keep” the garden is a fascinating hint of God’s original intent for men. The Hebrew word translated “keep” (somra) can carry the nuance of watching over, protecting or guarding.  For example, when God questions Cain about his brother Able, Cain responds, “Am I my brother’s keeper (somra)?”  Cain resists the idea that he should be watching over or protecting his younger brother.

The very fact that Adam is commanded to protect the garden, clues us into something important.  Evidently, from the very beginning, there was some kind of threat Adam was to guard against. The word “keep” implies things were not as innocent and idyllic as they seemed. In Genesis 3, we learn the nature of the threat and why Adam needed to stay on guard.  A sinister, crafty presence inhabited the garden: the serpent. There was a snake in the grass from the first days of creation. There still is.

So how did Adam do in keeping watch, in staying on guard?  Not so well.  The serpent—the embodiment of the Ancient Serpent, the devil (Revelation 12:9)—snakes its way towards Eve.  It entices her to doubt God’s goodness and disobey His word by eating from the one tree in the garden God said was off-limits.

And where was Adam when all this was happening?  Genesis 3:6 tells us Adam was right alongside Eve when the serpent tempted her.  Instead of opening his mouth to challenge the serpent, Adam opened it to join Eve in eating the forbidden fruit.  He wasn’t his wife’s keeper; he didn’t guard her or the garden.

It’s interesting and instructive to note that, while Eve disobeyed the Creator’s instructions first, God confronts Adam first (Genesis 3:10). God seems to place primary responsibility for what happened on the man.  Adam had failed to fulfill his role as a keeper.  In the New Testament, the apostle Paul spotlights Adam’s culpability for sin’s entrance into the human race when he writes, “sin came into the world through one man” (Romans 5:12).

Tragically, Adam went passive and stayed silent as the serpent hissed his deceptive lies. By being passive, Adam played an active part in the Fall.  Larry Crabb’s book, The Silence of Adam, develops the idea that Adam’s passivity has often been passed down to his sons!  Rather than being protectors who safeguard women, men have often been passive or become perpetrators.  No wonder many women have serious trust issues with men.

In the 1998 movie Ever After (a modern retelling of the Cinderella fairy tale) we see an interesting twist in the movie’s climax.  Henry, the handsome prince, finally sets off to save Danielle, who has been sold into slavery.  However, his heroic efforts prove too little, too late—and ultimately unnecessary.  Danielle is no helpless damsel in distress; she shows her expert swordsmanship and rescues herself from the evil master who had taken her captive.  Henry arrives only in time to offer a rather lame apology and a marriage proposal.  The movie has a happily-ever-after ending, but it also sends the message that women can’t count on and don’t need men to be their protectors.  They can take care of themselves just fine, thank you.  To paraphrase a famous statement by Irina Dunn, when it comes to making it through life’s challenges, “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”[2]

In the biblical narrative, the first man was entrusted with the high calling of standing guard and keeping watch, protecting what God made and entrusted to his care.  Again, this is not to say women are not called to be protectors as well.  The Bible faithfully records the impressive protective exploits of Deborah (Judges 4:1-16), Jael (Judges 4:17-22), Esther, and a host of other women.  Without denigrating the important protective role of women, the opening chapters of Genesis point to a primary responsibility in guarding and watching over given to men.  Something inside a good-hearted man will understand and accept this responsibility on a deep level.  The privilege and duty to provide protection calls forth the best part of us as men.

The implications for a discipling ministry to men include helping men understand their responsibility to safeguard others.  While some men intuitively acknowledge and embrace this aspect of manhood, others will need biblical instruction and fatherly mentoring in order to grow into their calling as godly protectors.  Selfish and fearful passivity must be recognized and rejected in favour of appropriate efforts to safeguard the well-being of others.

One aspect of mentoring men to be protectors will involve teaching them to use their strength in a godly way.  God created men with physical strength that, like many things, can be used well or badly abused.  The opening chapters of the Bible give us an account of how Adam and Eve’s first son brutally murdered his younger brother (Genesis 4:8).  In just a few generations, we meet Lamech, who boasts of killing a young man for wounding him (Genesis 4:23).  This pattern of masculine strength gone rogue becomes a tragic but familiar part of human history.  The vast majority of violent crimes are still committed by men.[3] Men will use their strength—the question is whether or not they will use it to serve themselves or safeguard others.

In his letter to Titus, the apostle Paul had a clear vision of where Titus was to focus his energies when it came to discipling young men.  After giving Titus a list of qualities to seek to instill in older men, older women and younger women, Paul instructs Titus to focus on one main thing with young men:  self-control.  “Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:6).  It’s almost as if Paul is saying, if you can help men in this one area, it will affect all the other areas of their lives.  Until a man learns to control his strength by living under the Spirit’s control (Gal 5:23), he remains much more likely to misuse it. For this reason, boys and young men must be taught how to bring their strength under God’s control so that it is used to defend, not damage, others.  I am grateful for a father who made it clear to me I must never hit or abuse a woman (starting with my sisters and mother).

In addition to doing no harm, Christian boys and men must be instructed and mentored to actively look for ways to look out for the good of others. Christian men should be taught to actively seek the physical, emotional and spiritual welfare of those around them.  This vision of using strength to safeguard others helps a man grow into a better man, someone women can respect and rely on.

TO BE CONTINUED

[1] See Titanic:  “The Truth Behind Men and Women First”, accessed August 16, 2019,  http://www.premierexhibitions.com/exhibitions/3/3/titanic-artifact-exhibition/blog/truth-behind-women-and-children-first.

[2] See The Phrase Finder:  “A Woman Needs A Man Like A Fish Needs A Bicycle”, accessed October 9, 2019, https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/414150.html/.

[3]See PubMed: “Men, women, and murder: gender-specific differences in rates of fatal violence and victimization”, accessed November 7, 2019, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1635092.

“Men behaving badly”.  Sadly, that sentence could be the tagline for many stories that make the news in our day.  From physical abuse to dismissive attitudes, many women have been deeply wounded and damaged by men behaving badly.  And many men have become confused about what they are to be and do as men.  Last year, I had a group of young men at Heritage College ask me to meet with them to help them gain a biblical understanding of what a godly man looks like. 

I’ve written down some of the material I presented to these young men in an article entitled, “Better Men”.  Over the next four weeks, I’ll post sections of this article.  I’m grateful for the strong desire on the part of so many young men at Heritage to grow into “men behaving godly.”

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At the 2018 Grammy Awards, the country group Little Big Town won an award for their song, Better Man.[1]   The song, written by Taylor Swift, tells the story of a woman who literally ran away from a toxic relationship with a volatile, self-centered man.  But even after she leaves, she finds herself missing him, wishing things had turned out differently.  The catchy tag line, repeated multiple times, captures her sadness: “And I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man.”

One of the reasons Better Man received so much attention and airplay has to do with its timeless and timely theme.  It’s timeless as it speaks to a situation women have lived through or are currently living in.  How many women have found themselves disappointed in marriage and disillusioned by a husband who they wish would grow up and become a better man, a man who does more than serve himself?  It seems that, almost daily, we hear another media report of some well-known, (formerly) highly respected man caught behaving badly towards women.

One thing is clear:  our world desperately needs better men.

But just what does a better man look like?  At this point, things get cloudy.  That’s because western society is no longer clear on what we mean by a “man.”  In a day when gender is seen as a personal choice, it’s daunting to define manhood in a meaningful way.

Cecil Rhodes

There was a day when describing what it means to be a better man was not controversial in Western culture.  When South African businessman, Cecil Rhodes established a fund in 1904 to bring male students from the United States, United Kingdom or Germany to study at Oxford, he had a clear vision of the kind of student he wanted to scholarship:  men who demonstrated “qualities of manhood, truth, courage, devotion to duty, sympathy for, and protection of, the weak, kindliness, unselfishness and fellowship. . . moral force of character and instincts.”  As he put it, these would be the best men for the world’s fight.[2]

In our cultural moment, Rhodes’ words read like sepia-toned, antiquated relics from another era.  They ascribe qualities to manhood that are certainly not unique to males.  Women often excel men when it comes to courage, devotion to duty, protection of the weak (think “mother bear”) and the rest of the virtues on Rhodes’ list.

All this makes it challenging to define manhood in a way that is not simply a reflection of current societal sensibilities—past or present.  In contemporary Western culture, where the notion of gender has become increasingly fluid and flexible, some advocate abandoning all attempts to identify what is uniquely male.

As a result, many men—even in the Church—find themselves confused about what it means to be a man. If their nine-year-old son asked, “Dad, what does it mean to be a man and not a woman?”[3], many men would struggle to give a biblically-based answer.

The difficulty many Christian men face in articulating what it means to be a man is partly due to the common humanity men and women share.  God created both men and women in His image (Genesis 1:27-28).  Not surprisingly, we have much in common; in fact, we are more similar than dissimilar.  Further, the New Testament calls both men and women to be conformed to the likeness of Christ (Colossians 3:10) and to evidence the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).  Christ-like character and Spirit-empowered characteristics are not exclusively male or female.

similar but not identical

If you picture manhood and womanhood as two circles in a Venn diagram, the Scriptures teach there will be a substantial overlap.  At the same time, from a biblical perspective, the two circles will not be completely superimposed on top of each other.  Scripture indicates God intentionally made men and women similar but not identical.  Biologically and physiologically, this is difficult to miss:  men and women differ in muscle mass, bone mass, body fat, cardiovascular function, blood pressure rates and a host of other ways.  But the differences are more than physiological.  The Bible teaches God meant something specific when he made a man and meant something specific when He created a woman. As men and women, we reflect something specific about His image.

So how are we, as men, to discover what God meant us to be as men?  What does it mean to be a man and not a woman?

To answer that question, we need to go back to the beginning.  We need to carefully look at the creation account, discovering clues regarding God’s original intent for men and women.  Then, we need to examine the rest of Scripture to see how later writers of inspired Scripture understand and interpret the Genesis account.

While the findings of the social sciences should not be ignored, we must give prior consideration and primary weight to God’s Word.  He, as Creator, is the only one who can truly tell us what He made us to be—as human beings, as men and women.  He holds the patent on humanity.

As you read through the opening chapters of Genesis, you won’t find a one-sentence definition of what it means to be a man or a woman.  However, you will discover clues and pointers brought out by the emphasis of the narrative.  Clues, by their very nature, are subject to being misinterpreted.  That’s why we must look to the rest of Scripture for how biblical authors interpret these clues.  Since all Scripture is inspired by God, we can expect it to speak with a consistent voice.

By examining the clues in Genesis and listening to how New Testament writers interpret these clues, we can begin to formulate a biblical vision for men and women. Our focus in this article is on men, so let me highlight three key insights that will enable us to cut through the cultural confusion and get a clearer view of God’s intention for manhood.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

[1] See Billboard, “Watch Little Big Town Perform ‘Better Man’ at 2018 Grammys”, accessed November 2, 2019, https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/grammys/8096725/grammys-2018-little-big-town-better-man

[2] Robert Rotberg.  The Founder:  Cecil Rhodes and the Pursuit of Power, (Oxford:  Oxford University Press, 1990), 665.

[3] See Desiring God, “Ask Pastor John, March 16, 2018”,  accessed Oct 9, 2019, https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/sex-abuse-allegations-and-the-egalitarian-myth/.