“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”  That statement, made by an older man to a younger one, summarizes the main message of my first post in this series on friendship: Our friends shape us spiritually over time.

Since our friends shape up in deep and lasting ways, we must choose them wisely.  This raises the question: “What does a true friend look like?”  Proverbs answers this question by identifying two memorable marks of a true friend.  Here’s the first:

A true friend sticks with you through adversity

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

You’ll notice the phrase “all times” includes times of “adversity.”  True friends stick with us in hard times.  They are not fair-weather friends.  Fair-weather friends are happy to be with us when life is good.   Proverbs 19:4 speaks of fair-weather friends when it says, “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend.”

I have a sad memory of a kid in my elementary school who found this out the hard way.  He was having a hard time making friends at school. So he brought a bag full of coins and started passing them out on the playground.  Instantly, he was surrounded by “many new friends.”  Until the bag was empty and he was left “deserted.” 

True friends are not fair-weather friends but “all weather friends.”  They stick with us winter, spring, summer and fall.  They are there for us on both sunny and stormy days, when life is going well and when it’s going wrong.

In fact, the last part of Proverbs 17:17 reminds us true friends are like family:  “a brother is born for adversity.”  By the way, this doesn’t mean brothers were born to cause adversity (though some think so); rather, brothers are meant to stick with us through adversity.  True friends, even though not physically related to us, act like faithful brothers who show their love and loyalty when hard times hit.

In fact, Proverbs says it’s possible that a true friend sticks closer than a blood brother.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24)

We can have “many companions” and still come to ruin.  That’s because casual friends may not show up when adversity does.   And that’s why we need a friend “who sticks closer than a brother.”

Some years ago, I read the autobiography of Major Dick Winters called Beyond Band of Brothers. Winters recounts the experiences of Easy Company in World War II.  Easy Company parachuted behind enemy lines right before D-Day and fought some of the fiercest battles in the war.  Their friendships were forged in the midst of battle. They were so loyal to one another that some who were injured snuck back to the front lines to fight alongside their “band of brothers.”

All of us live in the midst of a spiritual battle, what John Eldredge calls a “clash of kingdoms.”  We are constantly shelled by an Enemy who never lets up (read Ephesians 6:10-20).  So we need a band of brothers (or a band of sisters) who stick with us in adversity.  True friends do that.

Let me ask you, do you have friends like that?  Friends who have your back when your back is against the wall?  If so, thank the Lord.  And call or text them today to thank them for sticking with you.

One more question:  Are you a friend like that to someone else?  Which of your friends is being bombarded by adversity right now?  How can you be there for them this week?  Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to be the kind of friend we all need.

In my next post, I’ll highlight a second mark of a true and trusted friend.  It’s one that may surprise you!