When it comes to friendship, Proverbs says a true friend sticks with us through adversity. Since that’s true, we may be tempted to think a true friend always makes life easier and smoother for us. But that’s not the case. Here’s a second (and surprising) mark of a true friend.
A true friend sticks it to you in love
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses on an enemy. (Proverbs 27:5-6)
Wounds from a friend? We assume wounds come from enemies. But these verses from Proverbs remind us that an enemy may kiss up to us while a friend may wound us. But even when they rebuke us, the rebuke is motivated by love. As someone once said, a true friend stabs you in the front.
The Hebrew word for “faithful” has the idea of “trustworthy.” The idea is the wounds a friend inflicts can be trusted. They may wound us, but they won’t wrong us. Their words may hurt, but they won’t cause harm.
I once heard Dr. Roy Craft tell story from his childhood. Roy grew up on a farm back in the 1930s. One day, while running barefoot, he stepped on a rusty nail that pierced his foot. His father took a needle, heating it up to sterilize it. Then his dad wrapped the needle with cloth, dipping it into some disinfectant. His plan was to thrust the needle (with the disinfectant) up into the wound to prevent infection. He looked at his son and said, “Roy, I’m going to have to hurt you. This will hurt. But I’m not going to harm you.”
Roy drew a life lesson from the experience when he told us, “God has not promised to keep us from hurt. But he has promised to keep us from harm.” That’s also true of faithful friends. They may have to stick it to us at times (which will hurt), but they do it in love. They do it for our good. As Proverbs 28:23 explains,
Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favour than he who flatters with his tongue.”
When Linda and I were in our 30s, we were planning to head to Brazil as missionaries. At the time, we had two small boys and were expecting our third child. My friend Charlie, who was my best man in our wedding, was worried about us. He could sense my determination to get to Brazil. But he could also see the strain this was causing for my wife who was heroically trying to keep up.
So he wrote me a letter. He reminded me that, as the best man in our wedding, he was charged with helping me love my wife in a Christ-like, sacrificial way. He expressed his concern that I was pushing our family past its limits, recklessly jumping off the Temple and expecting God to catch us.
His words hurt. But they didn’t harm me. In fact, they helped reorient me to God’s pace for this stage in our lives. As it turned out, we never got our visas to go to Brazil. God’s plan for us was eventually (eight years later) to bring us to Canada.
True and trusted friends not only stick with us through adversity, they stick it to us in love.
Do you have friends who love you enough to stick it to you? When they do, how do you respond? Are you teachable? Humble? Willing to listen?
Here’s another question: Will you risk hurting a friend to tell them the truth in love? Is there someone who needs your loving, open rebuke? Will you ask the Lord for courage to speak up?
In my final post in this series, I’ll talk about where we can find a friend who never fails to stick with us through adversity and stick it to us in love.
Rick and Linda Reed 